Posted by Paul Wernick in products on September 27, 2007 at 7:58 am

I once met the food chemist who was responsible for developing fruit-flavoured potato chips in the 1970s. The chips were a historical marketing failure and he never quite recovered from the Canadian public’s rejection of his efforts. I understand that afterwards he spent many months in state of anxiety and depression, attempting to develop “booze-and-pain killer” flavoured chips.

The actual technique of seasoning potato chips was invented by small, family-run Irish company – Tayto – in the 1950s. Salt and Pepper and Cheese and Onion were the first flavours. Soon giant American companies were beating a path to the Old Sod to learn this innovative technique. Now, as snack food has become globalized, the humble potato chip contains the essences and aromas of countless different countries. In Japan, one can enjoy octopus dumpling chips; Argentinians devour Patagonia Lamb chips, and various curry-flavoured chips are the snack food of choice in India and Southeast Asia.

As I am planning a trip to England in the near future and have a wide ranging taste in junk food, I thought I would acquaint myself with British chips – or crisps as they are called – available in Toronto. The Nutty Chocolatier on Queen Street East stocks a wide selection made by Walkers, the largest chip manufacturer in England. It also sells many of the chocolate bars and hard candies that gave the English such distinctive teeth. A hand written sign in its window proudly announces the arrival of new flavours from across the Atlantic. There’s also a special today – five bags for five dollars. So I am well provisioned to watch my Benny Hill videos, eat chips, and lose muscle tone. Here, then, are my impressions on the British potato chip:

Marmite

Marmite is a dark, viscous spread made from yeast extract that is popular in England. It is an acquired taste, most appropriately acquired in the bowels of hell. Yech!

Steak and Onion

Interestingly enough, the package claims that these are suitable for vegetarians. I don’t know what the “flavour enhancers” consist of, but they are obviously nothing a cow would object to.

Prawn Cocktail

Hey not bad. Doesn’t contain prawns so it must be the disodium 5-ribonulecotides that make it taste so good.

Worcester Sauce

My favourite so far. The aspartame is guaranteed to bring out the soccer hooligan in everybody.

Salt and Shake

Plain chips that contain a small package of salt. You can control sodium content. But what’s the point of eating chips if it requires such physical exertion.

By now my stomach is grumbling and so is my wife as I chortle at Benny Hill and brush crumbs from the couch. I can’t say I would recommend these crisps to the discriminating foodie. There is actually more monosodium glutamate in one of these bags than in all of Chinatown. The true epicure in Toronto can savour kettle-cooked artisanal potato chips, a perfect accompaniment to a glass of champagne. However, the true connoisseur of English artificial flavour enhancers can savour a bag of Walkers. Marmite rules the waves!